Movie 43

The Worst Films Of 2013: Razzie Predictions

January 23, 2014

I love the Razzies, and I’m so glad they exist. Among Hollywood’s massive season of self-congratulation, the Razzie’s are a little breath of realistic air: let’s face it, some of the movies sucked.

This year’s Razzie noms include what you might expect: namely,Grown-Ups 2 and After Earth. The highlight, though, is a film that has garnered a whopping 6 nominations: Movie 43.

Movie 43 is an insane thing. It’s a movie featuring so many A-list names — think Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet — that you’d expect it to be high, high caliber stuff. Instead it’s a series of sketches that were maybe written by my 5 year old cousin, if my 5 year old cousin were an idiot. It’s so bad.

(Rumor has it that many of these stars tried to get out of making the movie, so we can be somewhat forgiving, but only somewhat).

Anyway, please enjoy our Razzie predictions. The Winners/losers will be revealed on March 1st.

Worst Picture

The Nominees are:

After Earth; Grown-Ups 2; The Lone Ranger; A Madea Christmas; Movie 43

Our Predicted Winner Is:

MOVIE 43. TIMES ONE MILLION.

Movie-43-3-Portable

Worst Actress

The Nominees Are:

Halle Berry (The Call and Movie 43); Selena Gomez (Getaway); Lindsay Lohan (The Canyons); Tyler Perry (A Madea Christmas); Naomi Watts (Diana and Movie 43)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

Naomi Watts wins this for being in Movie 43, and for apparently also doing a really sub-par Diana in Diana.

Ashton-Kutcher-Jobs-Portable

Worst Actor

The Nominees Are:

Johnny Depp (The Lone Ranger); Ashton Kutcher (Jobs); Adam Sandler (Grown-Ups 2); Jaden Smith (After Earth); Sylvester Stallone (Bullet To The Head, and Escape Plan, and Grudge Match)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

I’m gonna give this one to Ashton Kutcher. Because he tried to be a real actor and he failed and for some reason that gives me sick pleasure.

Salma-Hayek-Grown-Ups-2-Portable

Worst Supporting Actress

The Nominees Are:

Lady Gaga (Machette Kills); Salma Hayek (Grown-Ups 2); Katherine Heigl (The Big Wedding); Kim Kardashian (Tyler Perry’s Temptation); Lindsay Lohan (InAPPropriate Comedy and Scary Movie 5)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

I vote that this one goes to Salma Hayek, to teach her a lesson about being in Adam Sandler movies.

934937 - Battle Of The Year

Worst Supporting Actor

The Nominees Are:

Chris Brown (Battle of the year); Larry The Cable Guy (A Madea Christmas); Taylor Lautner (Grown-Ups 2); Will Smith (After Earth) Nick Swardson (A Haunted House and Grown-Ups 2)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

Chris Brown gets this because he’s Chris Brown. Boom.

Movie 43

Worst Screen Combo

The Nominees Are:

Entire Cast (Grown-Ups 2); Entire Cast (Movie 43); Linday Lohan and Charlie Sheen (Scary movie 5) Tyler Perry and either Larry The Cable Guy OR That Worn Out Wig And Dress (A Madea Christmas); Jaden Smith and Will Smith (After Earth)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

The entire cast of Movie 43, yo.

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Worst Director

The Nominees Are:

The Directors (Movie 43); Dennis Dugan (Grown-Ups 2); Tyler Perry (A Madea Christmas and Temptation); M Night Shyamalan (After Earth); Gore Verbinski (The Lone Ranger)

Our Predicted Winner Is:

The goddamn directors of Movie 43.

Movie-43-6-Portable

Worst Screenplay

The Nominees Are:

After Earth; Grown-Ups 2; The Lone Ranger; A Madea Christmas; Movie 43

Our Predicted Winner Is:

 MOVIE 43. According to the Official Razzie Website, this film had “19 ‘Screenwriters’”. They should all be punished.

Grown-Ups-2-Portable

Worst Remake, Rip-off or Sequel

The Nominees Are:

Grown-Ups 2; Hangover III; The Lone Ranger; Scary Movie 5, Smurfs 2

Our Predicted Winner Is:

Grown-Ups 2, because Movie 43 has stolen a lot of its terrible thunder, and we need to be reminded that it really did suck, too.

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